Soropa Blog

Picture this scene: You re-arrange your work schedule to attend a party
in your child’s classroom. You happily hug your child hello as you
arrive. Then you notice a table filled with adorable ceramic Dalmations,
beribboned and hand-painted for each child in the class by one child’s
stay-at-home mother.

Now try another: Your alumni magazine features the stunning
professional accomplishments of a former classmate. Unlike you, she
has not let motherhood slow down her professional advancement one
bit. Her children, smiling beside her in the magazine photo, seem to be
turning out fine.

If you’re not prepared, either scene could drag you into “the comparison
trap.” Maybe you’ve been there — times when you measured yourself
against others, with uncomfortable results.

It’s a no-win.

Comparisons are a greased slope into a pit of guilt, envy, anger or
feelings of inferiority and intimidation.

More fundamentally, comparisons fail to honor the uniqueness of each
person’s path in life. Just think of all that’s unique about you and the
path you’ve walked! The universe — or your higher power, if you have
one — never asks you to be anybody but you.

Fortunately, you can break free of comparisons. Here are five simple
strategies you can start using today:

1. GIVE YOURSELF MORE CREDIT.

This strategy is preventive. Look inside, and give yourself credit for your
accomplishments and positive character traits. You might even mark in
your calendar reminders to pause and recognize the heart, intelligence,
imagination and integrity you bring to living life your way.

Start now: What can you give yourself credit for today?

2. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.

This is another preventive tactic to build your comparison “immunity.”
Cultivating an awareness of all the blessings of your life can take the
sting out of seeing how others are blessed.

You might enjoy counting your blessings in a “gratitude journal,” or
review the best parts of your day as you fall asleep. You might even
count your blessings before you get out of bed in the morning.

Give it a try. How many blessings can you call to mind in the next 60
seconds?

The next three strategies can help in the moment when you have a
“comparison emergency.”

3. EXHALE.

When you notice that you’re comparing yourself to someone else, bring
your attention to your breathing. Then, on an exhale, let the comparison
leave your body with your breath. It’s amazing how a well-timed exhale
can create space for serenity and perspective.

Once you’ve blown the comparison away, you might ask yourself, “Is this
where I want to put my energy today?”

4. RECOGNIZE LOSSES.

Other people’s accomplishments may remind you of goals you have set
aside. Maybe you’ve deferred or even given up hopes and dreams from
earlier, simpler times in your life.

Be kind to yourself, and take time to acknowledge these losses. Create
a ritual or find some other way to give voice to your grief so that you can
move forward in healing.

5. SHIFT INTO A PERSPECTIVE OF GRATITUDE.

Take a couple deep cleansing breaths, letting any tension in your body
leave on the outbreath. Now, see if you can shift into a perspective of
gratitude.

Practice this strategy by bringing to mind a “comparison trigger” from the
past — maybe your ex-significant-other’s new girlfriend, or the obnoxious
alpha-parent you met on the preschool playground. Notice how
relaxing and healing the perspective of gratitude feels.

YOU, YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR CAREER ARE UNIQUE. As you
lovingly attend more and more to your own life and values, you can
leave the comparison trap far behind.

© Norma Schmidt, LLC

Norma Schmidt is a parent of two and a former Lutheran minister. Her
career includes serving as a pastor, campus minister and cancer center
chaplain. She has also worked with children with disabilities. Norma
offers workshops on parenting and on living with serious illness. Her
writing has appeared in “Coping with Cancer” magazine. Download her
free report, “61 Great Ways to Teach Kids about Money” and look
through her other articles by going to http://www.ParentCafeOnline.com